trust me
by AmyWriter
Summary: "I'll be there for you no matter what happened between us" Bensidy, multi chap fiction.
1. Rescue me

**Hi guys, I'm sorry I'm taking so long to update my very first fiction but you know, school eh. Anyway, here you go. New fiction. Set after Beast's obsession. Hope you'll like it, it's a multi-chap. R&amp;R Please. Thank you, Amy.**

* * *

Two weeks.

Two weeks since the last time Olivia saw him. Two weeks since they broke up. Two weeks and she felt like she's lost something. She missed him, she missed Brian Cassidy.

As she sat there, on this cold hospital bed, looking at the door, thinking that maybe Brian will soon open it, come in and hug her. Nick was standing next to the bed, watching as she delt with her emotions. "You want a ride home?" he finally asked quietly, not wanting to startle her. Olivia looked up and just nodded her head.

Lewis came back. He came back just for her. He escaped a few days ago from the prison and kidnapped that poor, innocent girl who was barely 10. Olivia knew what William Lewis wanted, he wanted the best detective, he wanted his revenge, he wanted Olivia to pay for everything, for putting him behind the bars, for beating him like that, for everything he had to go through. So she drove to where he was holding that little girl in hostage, in this abandoned warehouse. When she saw the little Emily there, tied up, she begged Lewis to let her go, which of course he refused, he then forced Emily to watch as he and Olivia played Russian Roulette, he also forced her to watch as he killed himself, with his own gun.

As Nick Amaro drove Olivia back to her apartment, she couldn't help but think of Brian. _Does he know? Of course he does, Tucker must have told him,_ she thought. _Does she want to call him? _Maybe was it more like she needed to. She needed to hear his voice.

When they arrived, Fin already there, waiting for them. Amaro helped Olivia out of the car and up the stairs. As they arrived at her floor, they all stopped in front of her appartment door and the two men turned to Olivia. She finally spoke up.

"Can you give me a second? I, uh have a phone cal to make." she handed Fin the key of her door and spoke again "you can come in, I won't be long." she tried to smile but couldn't really right now.

They both nodded and entered Olivia's apartment, leaving her alone. She dialed Brian's number and waited. Brian answered after the third ring. "Hello?" there was a long silence, Olivia froze, she didn't know what to say, "Liv?" Brian called softly, hearing him call her with her nickname melted her heart.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I shouldn't have called." she whispered, placing a hand over her mouth, trying not to cry.

"I'm glad you called... Tucker told me. Are you okay?" he asked, his voice was filled with love and concern.

"I'm fine. I need to go, sorry for calling you." she said. She wanted to hang up but couldn't, hearing his voice was so reassuring.

"Liv. You want me to come over, baby? You shouldn't be alone." he asked gently. The fact that Brian was still calling her 'baby' broke her heart into millions pieces, she was so in love with him but knew that they broke up for a reason.

"No- no, it's okay, please don't." she answered quickly. "I'll talk to you later, thank you for this." she hung up, not waiting for any answer and entered that apartment she once shared with her ex-boyfriend.

.

Olivia sat on the couch, finally looking up at her friends. Nick smiled softly.

"You hungry?" he asked gently, Olivia just shook her head. It was Fin's turn to speak.

"Did Brian call?" she heard him ask.

"Yeah. We just spoke," she said with a nod.

"Is he coming over?" Fin asked but regretted it when he saw her glare.

"Why would he? I'm fine, Fin." she rolled her eyes clearly annoyed.

Nick came back from the kitchen and placed a glass of water on the coffee table, "hey, do you want one of us to stay here? You shouldn't be alone tonight here." Nick pointed out.

Olivia sighed and shook her head, "No, I'm gonna lay down and try to get some sleep anyway. I'm tired.." she said, laying down.

"Are you sure?" they both asked, Olivia asked and nodded. "Well, call if you need _anything_, okay?"

Olivia nodded again. Nick and Fin reluctantly walked out of the apartment. Olivia sighed and closed her eyes, but as soon as she closed them, she saw William Lewis. She knew then that sleep was not a priority.

.

Olivia heard a knock on the door. She sighed and approached silently her front door, looking for her gun, she hid it and opened the door. She saw him, standing there. The only man she needed right now but knew wouldn't come actually came, he was now in front of her.

"Bri, you didn't need to come, I'm fine." she said, looking at him deep into his hazel eyes.

She couldn't help but fall in love with this man everytime she saw him, even after all they went trough together, they were still attached and concerned about one another and of course they were still deeply in love with each other.

Brian smiled sadly and took a few steps forward her but stopped, knowing he was probably gonna startle her. "I know, but I need to be here, you need something to look after you. And you certainly don't need to be alone." he said. "Now can I come in or-" he joked earning a smile from Olivia. "I can make you some tea if you want, you go lay down and I'll take care of everything okay? If you are hungry I can also-" Olivia cut him off.

"Brian, please stop, I don't need you here, I told you that." she sighed and looked up at him, seeing nothing but pure hurt on his face when she said that. "I mean- I mean I'm gonna sleep, I don't think it's necessary for you to be here while I rest.." Olivia said, her voice near a whisper.

Brian looked at Olivia and smiled, carefully tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear without scaring her. "Liv, I think it would be a good idea if I stayed... just in case. I wanna be there for you, Olivia. Please." he sighed and took her hand, glad she didn't pull away.

"Bri, please, don't make it more difficult than it already is. I need some time alone." she said, not looking at him. Brian sighed but didn't renounce.

"I'm staying." he said, crossing his arms against his chest. He sat in the armchair and looked at her, Olivia gasped and shook her head, tired of fighting with him, she laid back down and closed her eyes.

"Why don't you go sleep in your bedroom?" he asked confused.

Olivia turned her head to look at him and looked down, "I don't really feel safe there and since we broke up I- I don't feel like sleeping in here alone." her voice cracked.

Brian stood up and grabbed a blanket from what was once their bedroom, he came back and placed it gently over her. Olivia thanked him quietly and closed her eyes, trying to finally get some rest, but she saw him again, Lewis. She turned away from Brian and let the tears fall down her cheeks. Would she ever be able to forget about the whole Lewis story? He tortured her again and again. It will be long before she recover from all of this.

Brian saw her shoulders shaking and knew she was crying, but he just didn't know what to do, he didn't want to scare her... He heard her quiet sobs and decided to try something even though he knew she was gonna push him away. He knelt down beside the couch and alled her name quietly as to let her know that he was here. "Liv, baby you okay?" he watched as Olivia nodded, he placed a hand on her shoulder and was surprised when Olivia turned around, she put her arms around his neck and hugged him, sobbing against his chest.

Brian held her tight and close against him, caressing her hair in a soothing her.

"I can't even close my eyes without seeing him, I can't. I see him everywhere. I'm exhausted but he keeps haunting me. Will I ever better, Bri? Because I don't think I ever will." she cried harder finally letting go of the emotions of the day.

Brian held her close to him and kissed her cheek "Of course you will, it will take time but you will, Olivia, you are the strongest woman I know. You will get through this. Don't give up." he said, encouraging her. "I love you" he whispered quietly. Olivia pulled away, not trusting herself after what he told her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Olivia, I shouldn't have" he apologized.

Olivia nodded "It's okay," she smiled sadly "I think you should go now."

Brian shook his head "No, I am not leaving." he stated firmly.

"Brian please!" she cried.

Brian was concerned when he saw her cry again "Olivia what's the matter?" he asked gently.

"Nothing, I just want you to leave, I can't handle it. You being here with _me_ in _this_ apartment is too much." she paused and tried to calm down "I love you so much it hurts, and when you are here I feel whole again but then I remember that we are no longer together and that you will have to leave and I want you to leave now so it'll be less painful. So please, just go." She looked briefly at him before sitting back on the couch.

"Are you sure about this? I can stay, I really don't mind being there with you." he said.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you for all of this, I really appreciated it." she leaned back against the couch and looked at him, Brian sighed and nodded, he stood up, leaned over and kissed Olivia's lips.

It was a soft, light and sweet kiss, she thought she dreamt it, she almost didn't feel it.

"You call me if you need _anything_ okay? I'm serious, Liv. Even if it's 4am and you want to talk, I'll be there for you." he said.

Olivia subconsciously touched her lips, loving the feeling that Brian's lips left on hers. She nodded and closed her eyes as Brian cupped her face and kissed her forehead before leaving.

Olivia sat there, alone, in her living room, looking at the door, she kinda hoped Brian would come back and be with her, but she knew he wouldn't, she asked him to leave her alone and she knew he would do that because he wanted to please her. Olivia jumped when she heard her phone ring, it was a message from Brian. She smiled sadly and read it.

'Call me if you need anything, I'm here for you no matter what. I'll stop by later. Take care of yourself, Liv. - Brian xx'

Olivia smield and took a deep breath as she felt herself tearing up.

'I'm so glad to have you and even tho I asked you to leave, I need you.. Just not now. Your support means everything to me. Xx' She hit send and placed her phone on the coffee table. She felt herself drifting off and fell into a restless sleep.


	2. Won't you stay with me,'

**5 weeks later.**

"It's Brian Cassidy, leave a message. "

"hey Bri, it's Liv. listen you asked me to call you whenever I needed you and... I need you now. I know it's 2am and you're either asleep or working and I wouldn't have called you if it wasn't important but please, come to the apartment whenever you can. bye." Olivia hung up and sighed, immediately regretting what she's done. She knew she shouldn't have because she was bothering him and annoying him with her problems but hey he said to call him for whatever reason and this time, the reason was because she really needed him, she wasn't feeling safe in her-their- apartment.

She sighed again and rested her head against the couch, closing her eyes for a brief moment when she heard her phone ring, indicating a new message. 'It can't be him. Not already' she thought. She picked up the phone and looked at the message.

**New message from: BRIAN. **

_I'm on my way Liv. xx_

Olivia couldn't help but smile but she also felt guilty. She wanted him, she needed him but they were separated and she literally throw him out the day after she got out of the hospital.

She loves him. She does. She still does. And God help her she didn't know if she'll ever be able to move on. She knows there was a reason of why they broke up and she couldn't give up on her dreams of having a family because of him but she loves him more than anyone she ever had in her life. More than Elliot.

She looked at the clock on the wall as there was a soft knock on the door. 25 minutes after she left him that message, Brian was here. She got up and opened the door. He was standing there, smiling a little at her, not really knowing what to do. all he wanted to do was take her into his arms and hold her forever.

"Hey Liv, sorry I didn't answer the. phone when you called, I just couldn't find it" Olivia chuckled a little at that.

She motioned for him to come in and closed the door behind them. "Thank you for coming, Brian." she said quietly. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "I know I shouldn't have called you but God help me, I can't stay in our apartment alone, I'm too scared" her voice cracked at the end of the sentence.

Brian's heart melted when Olivia said 'our apartment' but didn't want to say anything about it just now. "Olivia I told you to call whenever you needed me, I'm here now baby, you're okay. Can I hold you?" he asked hesitantly.

Olivia smiled at him as tears filled her eyes. "I'd like that.." she whispered. Brian approached her and wrapped his strong arms around her small body, careful not to startle her. He closed his eyes and relaxed when he felt her hug him back, holding onto him for dear life. He then felt as her body started trembling. She was gonna break down. "I've got you Liv, I've got you, let it all go. I'm not going anywhere, let it out" He whispered, running his hand up and down her back while murmuring soothing words into her ear. Olivia's sobs echoed in the small living room and Brian teared up himself. he hated seeing her like that, she was the strongest woman he had ever seen and it broke his heart to see her so fragile, so small, so hurt. He wanted to take her pain away, to make her feel better, to make her feel safe but he didn't know how. So he just held her, he held her tight against him. He caressed her hair, knowing that it was something that always calmed her when they were still together.

After several minutes, Olivia pulled herself off Brian's warm embrace, looking at his now tears soaked shirt. "I'm sorry about that" she said quietly, placing a hand on his chest. "and my breakdown, and everything."

Brian placed his hands on each side of Olivia's face, afraid she would flinch, when she didn't he kissed her forehead gently "Never apologize baby, never. It's okay" he took one of her hands and led her to sit down on the couch. "You hungry? You want something to drink?" he asked gently, kneeling in front of her. O

livia stared at him before answering "Just water, please. You can have a beer if you want Bri" she smiled at him.

Brian smiled back and nodded before standing up "I'll be right back" he made his way to the kitchen and opened the fridge to take a bottle of water and a beer before returning to the living room where Olivia was. "Hey Liv, I've been thinking, maybe we could order-in. I know you said you weren't hungry but you need to-" he stopped talking when he saw Olivia there, she had fallen asleep, Brian's jacket was around her, she probably was using it to feel safe. He smiled sadly down at her and placed the bottle of water in front of her on the table before sitting beside her, placing her head on his laps. He stared at her, caressing her back gently. He looked at the bruises on her face, how could someone do something so awful to an amazing woman like Olivia?

He loves her. He does. he still does. And God help him he didn't know if he will ever be able to move on. He knows there was a reason of why they broke up and he couldn't let her give up on her dreams to have a family because of him… but deep down, that's what he wanted too. A family. A wife and kids. With Olivia. He couldn't picture himself having all that with someone else. Just Olivia, his Olivia.

He felt her stirring but she didn't wake, she just turned her head and resting on Brian's stomach, wrapping then her arms around his middle. He heard her sigh, a sigh of contentment. He wanted Olivia to feel safe with him, to feel like nothing could happen to her when she was with him because he failed at that the first time and Lewis hurt her. He hurt her bad.

Brian moved them a little so he too was lying next to her. He kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her waist. He listened as soft snores echoed in the living room. He then drifted off to dreamland, Olivia next to him, he could get some rest knowing she was safe.

* * *

He was woken up several hours later by the sounds of Olivia crying. She must have had a nightmare, he thought. Olivia tries her best to remain silent so he doesn't hear her but it was too late. He tightened his hold around her and kissed her head. Olivia flinched when she felt Brian's arms tighten around her, she immediately sat up, breathing heavily, Brian was immediately by her side. "You're okay, it was just a nightmare baby. Try and calm down okay? " he got up and then knelt in front of her, taking her hands into his. She squeezed them hard and tried to breathe but it was becoming difficult. She looked at him with worry in her eyes, she was hyperventilating. "Olivia, calm down! Breathe with me baby." When she eventually calmed down, she closed her eyes and started crying silently, repeating that she was sorry to Brian. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, waiting to see if she was gonna flinch, when she didn't he held her close against him. "Never apologize, Olivia. I'm the one who should be sorry, I should've known you would be afraid of me acting like that."

Olivia shook her head "It's not you I'm afraid of. It's just that I was still in my sleep state and didn't recognize you. I'm really sorry" she looked down at their intertwined hands and sighed. "I love you so much Brian." this caught Brian off guards, he wasn't expecting her to say things like that. But he didn't say anything, he knew she was gonna say something else. "I wish all this never happen"

They both knew what she meant by that. She wasn't only talking about Lewis, but also about their breakup and everything that happened between them in the past two months that led them to end their relationship. "I love you, too. I will always, always love you Liv. After all the things we've been through together, the gold moments and the bad moments, I still love you and I will never stop loving you. You mean a lot to me. I can't imagine my life without you, Olivia. There's no way I'm letting you go away from me, from my life. We may not be together anymore but baby you're stuck with me forever" he joked, earning a small laugh from her that warmed his heart. "You happen to be the best thing that I've ever had in my life, and seeing you hurt like that.. it kills me. Whatever that nightmare was, you have to know that none of this was real. And whether you accept it or not, I'm here to help you, I'll never let anything happen to you. I almost lost you once because I didn't protect you enough, this will never happen again."

Olivia looked up at him. "Brian, none of this was your fault. Never." she said, her voice was firm yet gentle.

"Neither was yours." he answered. "Are you okay now?" he asked gently, wrapping arm around her shoulder and lifting her chin to look into her eyes. Olivia stared at him and nodded, trying to fight back tears. "Then maybe you should try and get some sleep?" he said gently. Olivia nodded again slowly and looked down at her laps. "What's the matter?" he asked, seeing that something was bothering her.

"Nothing, I'm good." she said, giving an small smile. Brian nodded, still unconvinced. "Let's get you to bed then" He said gently before standing up and reaching out his hand for her to take it.

Olivia's eyes widened. "Bri, I-I don't think- I can't do that right now." she said, breathing heavily.

"Olivia, what are you talking about?" Olivia sighed as fresh tears began making their way down her bruised cheeks.

"Would you mind staying on the couch, I don't feel comfortable sleeping with you, please… I'm so sorry." Brian couldn't help but smile and Olivia saw it.

"Sweetheart, I'd never do something you don't want me to. If you wanted me to stay I'd have slept on the couch, you don't have to worry about it"

Olivia wiped her eyes and gave him a sad smile "I'm sorry I overreacted… again."

Brian smiled and kissed her hand. "Don't be. Can I help you get into bed at least? I'll leave you alone to sleep then" he grinned "I promise" Olivia smiled and nodded, Brian then took her hand and led her to her bedroom. He left her to change into mire comfortable clothes and then sat next to where she was laying in the bed. "You call me if you need anything, I'll be right there" he pointed at the living room. "Anything you need, just call me okay?" he asked, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear.

Olivia nodded and stared at him. "I do need to ask you something before you go."

Brian nodded and smiled gently "Anything for you." he whispered.

Olivia took his hand and squeezed it before responding "Can you kiss me?" she asked shyly. Brian smiled widely. "

I'd really like that. But only if you are sure."

Olivia nodded rapidly "Please do." she closed her eyes and waited. Brian carefully leaned down and placed his lips against hers, it was a soft and gentle kiss, full of emotions… and love.

When he pulled back, she opened her eyes and gave him one of her most beautiful smiles. "Thank you, I needed that."

Brian smiled and kissed her cheek. "I could do it again whenever you want" he half-joked.

Olivia laughed and stared at him, still smiling. "You always make me feel better." she said.

Brian smiled and squeezed her hand. "I'm glad. I want nothing else but to make you feel better and safe"

Olivia nodded. "I do feel very safe when I'm with you" she smiled and tried to hide a yawn.

"Good night, gorgeous" he whispered and kissed her cheek, it was a long, soft kiss and she wished he'd never pull back.

"Good night, Bri" she watched as he walked out of what once was their bedroom.

* * *

"Good morning!" Brian said as Olivia entered the small kitchen.

"Morning. Did you get some sleep? We both know this couch isn't really comfortable." she cringed.

"Oh, don't you worry. I slept very good since a beautiful woman kissed me goodnight last night." he said with a wide smile.

"Oh really? Should I be jealous?" she teased, making Brian laugh. It made him so happy to see Olivia like that.

"Don't be. She was as beautiful as you are" he smiled. "Maybe you should kiss me and see if you can do better than she did, even tho I know it isn't possible because that kiss was incredible" he smirked. Olivia laughed but didn't give him what he wanted. She wasn't ready to do that since they've broken up 2 months ago, 10 days before the kidnapping.

"Maybe later" she smirked and grabbed a mug behind Brian.

"Aw, come on Olivia" he faked a pout but when he saw that it made Olivia uncomfortable, he stopped. "I'm sorry Olivia, I shouldn't have said all that" he apologized.

Olivia smiled and shook her head "Don't apologize, it's okay. It's just that- now that we aren't together anymore, I don't know what's right and what isn't. Like, kissing you last night wasn't right but it made me feel so great." she sighed happily. "It just feels inappropriate."

"We both wanted it, right?" he said, Olivia nodded. "Then it's very appropriate. You asked me, I of course accepted," he grinned "and I don't regret it nor think it's inappropriate. If you don't want it to happen again then it was just a last kiss, that's all. We'll never talk about it again."

Olivia laughed sadly "Kissing you isn't the problem, Bri. It's the fact that we aren't together anymore and by kissing like we did last night, we act like we are still a couple when we are not. The problem is, that I want nothing more than for us to be a couple again."

Brian took her hand "We can be, Olivia. I know you want a family and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I didn't realize that but I do want-" Brian was interrupted by a soft knock at the door.

"We can't. I can't force you into something you don't want. Like having children." With that she went to open the door.

Fin was standing there. "Hey Liv, came to check on my girl" he said with a small smile. Olivia gave him a weak smile and let him in. "Fin. Come in" she closed the door behind them and watched as Brian greeted Fin. "Cassidy, whassup man!" he shook Brian's hand firmly. "You too came to check on that girl right?" he asked.

"Yeah, just dropped by to see how she was doing." Brian said. Olivia sighed in relief, she didn't want Fin to know that she called Brian because she was scared, she was thankful Brian lied for her.

"Hope you ate breakfast Liv," Fin said with a smile.

Olivia grinned and shook her head "Actually, I didn't yet. Sit down and eat with us will ya?" she asked with a small mile. she watched as Brian got up and started making his way to the door. "Where are you going? You didn't even eat breakfast" she said.

"I gotta be at work before 8." he said, looking up at her. He put on his shoes and lowered his voice so Fin couldn't hear. "Can I have it back?" he asked, pointing at his jacket that Olivia. was wearing.

Olivia looked down and her face flushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry I forgot I still had it on. I woke up this morning and it was there so I just put it on." she blushed.

"It's okay, " he said, taking the jacket from her hand before putting it on. "Plus, now it smells like you" he grinned. "I love your perfume so that's a good thing." he said and smiled. "I gotta go, I'll call you, is that okay?" he asked hesitantly.

"Of course it is." she nodded. As Brian opened the door she started talking again. "Hey Bri." she followed him outside and closed the door behind her. "Thank you, you know for not telling Fin the truth about last night. I couldn't have handled his questions" she smiled sadly.

"Of course, Liv" he leaned and kissed her cheek, Olivia closed her eyes and sighed. "I'll call you later" he promised "Call me if you need anything, I'll come as soon as I can. I'm working today until 9pm. If you want me to, I can come by after I get out of work"

Olivia sighed and smiled sadly "No, it's okay. I'll be fine, thank you" she said. "I'll call you" he said and walked away. Olivia entered the apartment and smiled at Fin before sitting at the kitchen table beside him. "So, what do we got? Waffles, bacon. Great, let's eat then" she said, trying to sound happy but failed.

"Did you get some sleep?" Fin asked, taking a bite into his mouth. Olivia slowly nodded but didn't look at him. "Don't lie to me" he said. "Brian slept here, didn't he?" Fin asked, knowing he did.

"It's not what you think, Fin" she whispered and looked down at her plate.

"Olivia, you don't know what I'm thinking." Fin said, teasingly.

"I called him." she stated bluntly. She looked up at him, waiting to see pity in his eyes but all she saw was hurt and understanding. "I'm gonna sound crazy but I swore I heard something in my bathroom and I couldn't- if I- I'd have-" she couldn't find the words.

"Olivia, it's okay, I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm actually glad you called someone instead of sitting in here alone."

"I called him at 2am! I'm weak, Fin. I shouldn't be so weak but I am." she whispered, her voice cracked.

"Well he probably wasn't too happy to be woken up at 2am but I'm sure he too was glad you called him. You and I both know he'd do anything for you. You are not weak Liv, no ine thinks so. In fact, I think that you are the strongest person I've ever seen in my entire life" he said with such conviction, Olivia knew he was telling the truth.

"Thank you" she murmured.

Fin nodded and smiled "Now eat, I won't leave until you get something into that stomach of yours." he half-joked. Olivia smirked at him and together, they ate. "Cragen is worried sick about you, he would like to come by here but he doesn't want to bother you" he said while biting a part of his waffle.

"Oh god, I didn't know. I didn't see him since- since that day." she couldn't say it. She couldn't say 'since Lewis got me' because she felt like if she says it, it'll make her look weaker than she already is. So she thinks.

"It's Kay, Ima tell him to come and see you, he'll be glad to come and see how you are, by himself." he grinned and sipped his orange juice.

"Of course he can come, as of Nick, Munch… and Amanda." she said. Fin nodded and continued eating.

* * *

"How are you today, Olivia?" Dr. Lindstrom, Olivia's therapist asked.

"I don't know." she said, she knew she couldn't lie to him.

"What happened?" he asked cautiously.

"I didn't really get sleep last night." she said quietly.

"What exactly did happen?" he asked gently.

"I kinda heard something in the bathroom and I- I called Brian" she said, her voice near a whisper. "And he spent the night at your apartment." he said, it wasn't even a question, he knew. "Yeah. But it's not what you think, he slept on the couch.. I just felt safer with him in the apartment" she said.

"It's okay, you did good. You could've stayed alone but you chose to call someone and it's a good thing." the therapist said gently. "I just wanna ask you one thing." he said. Olivia nodded. "Why did you call Brian instead of anyone else?" he asked cautiously.

Olivia sighed and shifted in her seat. "I spent 2 years with him, I've lived with him, I'll never be safer with anyone else but him. That's why" she said.

The major reason was because she loved him, she trusted him that's why she called him.

"I understand. To be honest I'm proud you called him. And I know what you think, that it wasn't a good idea for you to call him but it was. You shouldn't stay alone in a place where you don't feel safe." the therapist explained. "Did Brian say anything about you calling him?"

Olivia sighed and tried to remember "He said something like ' I told you to call whenever you needed me...' and that was it, I broke down" she said.

"Do yo regret anything about all what happened yesterday?" Dr. Lindstrom asked.

Olivia exhaled deeply "I told him I still loved him" she said, looking down at her hands. He was really surprised by what she said, he wasn't expecting that, he didn't think she would be so open to Brian. But after all, they spent a little bit over 2 years together so it was normal.

"And why do you regret it now?" he asked cautiously.

Olivia sighed and shifted nervously "We are not together anymore, all this is too much for me. I don't need that right now but it's all I've ever wanted." she said.

"You are not only talking about what you said to him, are you?" he asked, seeing that Olivia was referring to something else.

"Yesterday, I took a pregnancy test.." she began, smiling just a little. "And it came positive.." she continued. "You're pregnant. Congratulations Olivia!" he smiled at her gently.

Olivia smiled with tears in her eyes and thanked him quietly. "It's not official, the test can be wrong but again, there's a high possibility that I am."

"Olivia, you don't seem so happy about it. The baby is Brian's, isn't it? It can't be Lewis', you told me he didn't… rape you." he said careful not to hurt her.

"I'm- I"…


	3. Good, understandable reasons

"I told you he didn't rape me, I thought you believed me…" she glared at him. "He didn't rape me, he didn't have the balls to do so" she spoke loudly. Her therapist nodded. "The baby is Brian's." she sighed.

Lindstrom looked at her "Then what's the problem?" he asked cautiously.

"The problem is, that Brian and I aren't together anymore, the problem is that I'm still healing from what happened to me with Lewis, I'm not stable emotionally. The problem is that Brian doesn't want kids, this was one of the reasons why we broke up and now he's gonna think I got pregnant on purpose. These are the problems." she said.

"Olivia, do you want this baby?" he then asked. "Not if the father is gonna hate me for the rest of his life." she whispered.

* * *

**Knock. Knock.**

"Hey, Liv. Came to see if you are feeling okay today. Did you get some rest?" he asked, taking off his jacket.

"Not really, I had a session with my therapist today." she said quietly.

"Oh okay. How did it go?" he asked gently.

"Fine." she murmured, not looking at him.

"Olivia. Why were you crying?" he asked gently, now concerned.

For the past 3 hours, after Olivia got home from her appointment with Lindstrom, she's been thinking of a way to tell Brian and couldn't stop crying.

"Nothing. I'm good, you want a beer?" she asked, turning away from him.

"No. I want you to talk to me, Olivia" he said, his voice firm yet gentle. Olivia laughed sadly as a few tears escaped her eyes.

"My life is a mess, I lost a man who kept me stable and now…" she couldn't find the right words.

"Now what, Love" he pushed gently. "Now, I might be pregnant and the father doesn't even want kids." she cried.

Brian was stunned, shocked even. "You're pregnant with my child?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Why is that happening to me?" she cried again "I can't be happy for once?" she tried to calm down the best she could.

"It's okay, Olivia. It's okay. Come here" he said, wrapping his arms around her.

"It's not _okay_, Bri. If I'm really pregnant, you ARE the father and I know you don't want kids but I can't get an abortion." she mumbled against him. "

Don't talk like that, Olivia" he said, caressing her back. "When's your doctor appointment?" he asked gently.

"Tomorrow at 9am" she whispered against him. "Okay, you want me to come with you?" he asked gently.

"No-Yeah. I don't know, Bri. What if I'm really pregnant?" she asked, pulling away.

"I don't know, Olivia. But I won't leave you alone" he promised, looking deep into her eyes.

"Okay. You can come with me, only if you really want to." she said, looking down at her feet.

"Of course I want to." he said quickly.

* * *

"Mrs. Benson, come in." Dr. Faith said happily, Olivia and Brian entered the small room where Olivia would soon know if she is or isn't pregnant. "Hi, Mr. I'm Dr. Faith, nice to meet you" she said talking to Brian, not knowing who he was to Olivia.

"I'm Brian, I'm her- I'm the father of the possible baby." he said, looking over at Olivia who smiled sadly at him.

"Oh, okay. Great, let's get you settled okay?" they both nodded.

The doctor took Olivia's blood and immediately got it tested. They waited 20 minutes. The doctor was in another room so the couple was alone.

"Brian, I'm scared." Olivia shyly admitted. He looked at her with loving eyes and smiled.

"Don't be. I'm not leaving" he assured her. And she knew he wasn't only talking about this appointment but also, if she IS Pregnant.

"I know, I just- I don't have any stable situation, I'm just getting over Lewis, we broke up recently… What are we gonna do?"

"We'll figure it out, Olivia. Think about how beautiful that baby will be if she or he looks like you" he said, smiling at her with loving eyes.

Olivia blushed slightly and gave him a shy smile. "You don't want kids, you told me and that's a part or why we broke up. i can't ask you to do something you don't want, like being a father" she said, clearly upset by the situation.

Before Brian could respond, Dr. Faith reentered the small room with the results. "was this baby wanted?" the doctor asked cautiously, looking at both Brian and Olivia. They both shook their head and looked at each other.

"But it doesn't mean I don't want it." Olivia immediately said.

The doctor nodded in understanding and smiled sadly at Olivia, before giving her a blue paper. "I'm very sorry, Mrs. You are not pregnant." she began, waiting for Olivia to take this big new in. "You must be aware that those pregnancy tests bought in pharmacy are not 100% reliable, I'm very sorry but it was a wrong positive. I'm gonna leave you two alone, you can go whenever you want." she said gently before excusing herself and walking out of the room.

Olivia didn't know how to react. Be happy because it was for the best, a baby now wasn't a good idea? Or be extremely sad because a baby is what she wanted ger whole life? However she was very disappointed because she gave her hopes up and the result wasn't the one she expected

Brian didn't know what to tell her, he didn't want to upset her more than she already is. He took her hand and sat on the hospital bed. He looked at Olivia who was just staring at the wall. Her face wasn't showing any emotions, he didn't know if she was relieved or not.

"Liv, talk to me?" Brian said gently, turning her so she was looking at him.

"I don't know." she whispered.

"You don't know what, sweetheart?" Brian asked her cautiously.

"I'm terribly disappointed but a little part of me is kinda relieved." she murmured. "Can you take me home, please" she asked him. Brian nodded and gave her a small smile that she didn't return. Not because she didn't want to, but because she just couldn't.

* * *

Brian opened the door of the apartment and let Olivia in. She looked sad, tired and desperate. Brian carefully wrapped an arm around Olivia's shoulder and kissed her cheek softly. "I'm sorry that test was wrong, Olivia. I know you were happy and gave your hopes up and now you have every rights to be sad and angry." he kissed her again. "If you need to talk, I'm here. We are in this together." He placed a hand on her cheek and stroked it with his thumb. She leaned against the palm of his hand and closed her eyes, trying to fight back the tears that filled her eyes.

"You better go home. I don't want to burden you and someone may be waiting for you." Olivia said.

"I don't wanna leave you and _no one_ is waiting for me." he answered, trying not to laugh at how jealous Olivia was.

"Oh, I thought you…"

"Nope. No one is waiting for me, you could just tell me if you want me to go instead of finding a reason" he half-joked. Olivia smiled a little.

After their break-up, Olivia found out that Brian was already seeing anyone else. What she didn't know was that he was doing it because he wanted to forget Olivia. But after a week or two, he saw that it wasn't helping so he left that girl and after that, it all happened quickly.

"Come on, I'm gonna order, something in particular you wanna eat?" he asked gently.

Olivia sighed "I would like you to stop treating me like a child, I don't need you to pity me." she snapped.

"I'm not pitying you and I am not treating you like a child and if you think you can handle being alone tonight then I'll go…"

"I can!" she snapped again, regretting it immediately when she watched him walk to his jacket and toward the door.

"Okay then." he just said and looked at her. "I- I'm sorry Brian. Pl-please" she sobbed.

"I don't want you to think that I'm doing all this because I'm pitying you or whatever else. I'll leave you alone tonight but if you need anything tonight call me and I'll come, I'm not leaving you alone, Olivia. I'm just leaving you tonight so you can see that I do all this because I love you." the words slipped out of his mouth before he had time to react. "I know you can take good care of yourself but when we were still together you told me to take care of myself and you. That's what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life, even tho we are not together anymore." with that, he opened the door and left, leaving Olivia speechless. The fact that he told her that he _(still)_ loves her changed everything because deep inside, she still loves him, too.

* * *

_**3 months later.**_

"There is that baby, we can 't find the parents, we don't even know what's his name. He's 3 months old, I don't why, it never happened to me before, but this baby is something. When I look at this baby, I can picture my future life as a mommy with him." Olivia said.

"Alone?" the therapist asked.

"uh, what?"Olivia asked, confused.

"When you picture your future with that baby, are you alone? I mean is there maybe a man with you or someone?" he asked.

Olivia didn't respond immediately. There was someone, she couldn't picture her future without him in it. "There is Brian…."she said with a sigh. "And sometimes there's also Elliot. The doctor asked her why him. "He is my best friend.. or was, I don't even know anymore. But I can't imagine my life without him."

"Even tho he left? " the therapist said with a brow raised.

"Yeah…" she whispered.

"I'm gonna ask you a question now but you gonna have to answer me honestly." Dr. Lindstrom began. Olivia just nodded. "If I was to ask you to choose between Brian and Elliot in your future life, who would you choose?" he asked cautiously.

"Brian." she said immediately. "Brian. I know we are not together anymore but I can't imagine a second of my life without this man. 4 years ago I would have told you Elliot but now that he left me and I never saw him since, I learned to live without him. It still doesn't change the fact that I miss him and I want him to be part of my future." she explained, he nodded.

"Alright. Tell me something Olivia." again, she just nodded. "Did you tell Brian all of this?" he asked, knowing well she didn't.

"No. I don't think he needs to know since we aren't together anymore"

He sighed. "Olivia, it's clear to everyone that you and Brian are still in love with each other. You both should try and make things work, you can't ruin it." he said.

"I don't want him to live a life he doesn't like and I don't want to give up on my dreams just for him. We can't be together." Olivia said, upset by the situation.

"Have you and Brian talked about all this?" he then asked.

"He told me he didn't want kids.. " she began.

"No, Olivia. I mean have you really talked about all this" he repeated.

"Not really." she said, her voice low.

Brian always wanted to have kids but he thought that if he was gonna have kids with Olivia, his job or something else wouldn't let him live to see them grow. He didn't want to have children if, because of the high risks of his job, he could be killed at any time. But after their breakup, he saw that all he wanted was to have children with the love of his life and to grow old with her. He didn't want to be afraid to live his life. The thing is, he never told her all this, Olivia didn't know any of this.

"Olivia, talk to him. I _know_ what you're gonna tell me, that it's too soon, that you are still healing from what Lewis did to you and you are right. But, Olivia. You don't have to go back together immediately, take your time, talk. Brian will help you, you'll heal." the therapist said. It wasn't his job to give her advises on her love life but he knew that as long as this problem isn't solved, Olivia won't heal. "Let's go back to where we were. That case with the baby." the therapist began but Olivia's phone started ringing.

"I'm sorry, it's my captain. I gotta go" she apologized and quickly walked out.

* * *

That night, Brian came to see Olivia and brought some food so she could eat. Olivia talked to Brian about this case, she told him everything about the baby. She then asked him a serious question. "Brian, can I ask you something important, I mean to me it is." Olivia said, hesitantly. Brian nodded and sipped his beer. "The fact that you don't want kids, is it because you don't want them with me or you just don't want them at all?" she asked, looking with sad eyes at him.

"Liv… You really wanna know the reason?" he asked with a sigh, Olivia nodded. "I do want children, more than anything. It's just that, with my job I'm afraid I'll never get to see them grow up and become adults. I'm afraid that my job will kill me before I get to see if my little girl looks like her gorgeous mother or if my little boy has my character, which would be better for us." he joked. Olivia laughed through tears "If he has your character, we're dead." Brian chuckled and smiled at her. "And what I'm the most afraid of is that my job will kill me before I get the chance to marry you." There, he finally said it, leaving Olivia speechless and crying even more. She didn't know all this, she didn't even expect all this. She just cried and stared at him, never finding the right words. "You wanted to know." he just said.

"Why didn't you tell me all this before?" she finally asked him, wiping her eyes. "It was never the right time to tell you something like that, Olivia." he said. "I love you Olivia, more than you could ever imagine but if you tell me that you don't want to see me anymore then I'll go and you'll be fine because now you have your explication on why I didn't want children." he said and looked down.

"I don't know what I want, it's too soon for us to be something like we were before, I'm still healing but I don't wanna lose you, Bri" she said.

"You won't lose me, I'm gonna be there like I have for the past four months. You'll heal. and I will help you."

* * *

**_Hello guys, I'm so happy and I wanted to say thank your for your reviews, I wanted to give you what you wanted so I posted this chapter sooner than expected. Read and Reviews, I love you so much!_**


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